Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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