dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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