I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize