Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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