DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
