we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
