why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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