What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
