My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
