This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
