I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
