dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
