god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
