can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I wish there were birth control emojis
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
