Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
