We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
