How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
