I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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