My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
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Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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