tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize