You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Randomize
