All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Randomize
