Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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