I'm really into asian looking animals
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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