I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
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I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
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I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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