My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
