I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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