Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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