I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize