It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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