I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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