ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
