I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
