I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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