Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
no, he came in my armpit
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
