Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
