I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
