Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
