I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
