Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
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