either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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