I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
