I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
