oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
He has the fingertips of a God
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
