oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
