this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
