i will never coherently bang her
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
