I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
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