oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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