Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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