Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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