Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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