Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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