Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something