I wish I could punch you in the face.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate