you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.