either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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