is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
