there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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