He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
