I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
