Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
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i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
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So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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