We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
