Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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