She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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